A BREAKDOWN OF WHY I DO NOT TRUST NVIC OR BARBARA LOE FISHER–with links to back up my words because I don’t play!

First off, NVIC helped write the 1986 law that shields the drug companies from being sued.
There is plenty of evidence that they were warned where this law would lead (read the link & listen to the interview at the bottom) but they did what they wanted to do because it was in their own interest.
Look at their site, they brag about their role in creating the 1986 law and offer no apologies. UGH!!! How many have suffered because of this law??? WHY ARE THE NOT ACTIVELY WORKING TO REPEAL THIS LAW???
If BLF were any kind of person she would be begging daily for the forgiveness of any family hurt by the law that NVIC helped create. The fact that in 2017 they still are pretending this law helps families makes me want to puke!
The sad truth is NVIC has done NOTHING to undo the damage they have caused nor have the sought to atone for the harm done to millions of families at the hands of the law they helped create.
Then there is the embarrassingly weak response to SB277 in CA. BLF could have shown real leadership and stood with the parents and future victims of this law. Instead she gave a weak speech of disappointment.
NVIC and BLF could have created a media storm that possibly could have gave all the people who were against this law a voice and they made the choice not to do so.
The lack of a true response from NVIC helped ensure the passage of SB277. I don’t think this was an accident!
These people have all the proof that vaccines cause harm 100% of the time and they know that in a few years 100% of the population will be impacted by vaccine injury and yet they have the nerve to call for vaccine choice.
Knowing what they know they should be encouraging vaccine refusal. Instead NVIC & BLF waffle back and forth deliberately contradicting themselves.
This is very much deliberate BUT one thing that is always constant is you NEVER see BLF telling people to refuse vaccines–there is a push to obey vaccine laws whatever they may be rather to stand against them.
Finally, there is the dubious origins of NVIC and how BLF basically hijacked a true anti vaccine group from another person and took over.
A more detailed description of the origins of NVIC–this is what made me understand that we have all been had!


I am a filmmaker in the process of creating a documentary titled “SPOTTING THE TRUTH!” I need to connect with non vaccinating individuals who are seeking natural immunity to to the so called “childhood illnesses” of measles, mumps, chickenpox, and rubella for their families.

Interviews before, during, and after individuals or families have contracted any childhood illness are needed. The best possible scenario would be interviews directly after exposure and documenting progress through an illness. Interviews initiated during a childhood illness are, of course, also welcomed and vital for the success of this project.

All ages and family sizes are needed for the documentary. The public is waking up to vaccine dangers and the very real benefits of natural immunity. This is a very important project to help alleviate the fears of childhood illnesses once considered benign and necessary for proper immune development.

I am also seeking exposure to all childhood illnesses for myself, not only because I’ve never had a single childhood illness, but because I would never expect anyone to do anything I’m not willing to do myself. I plan on keeping a video diary of any experience and using it as part of the documentary, as well as writing daily blog and posting periodic progress reports on social media. My goal is to silence one of the biggest lies used to push vaccines: childhood illnesses are to be feared.

I also need to speak with the countless families and individuals who have been vaccine injured. Vaccine injuries are far too common and in my opinion happen 100% of the time following vaccination. While these injuries may not present themselves immediately they exist, as so many can attest to. These can include food allergies, physical and mental disability, chemical sensitivities, skin reactions, and the unthinkable–death!

I will also be talking to medical experts who are against vaccines and or the current vaccine schedule to get their expert opinions on the issue of vaccination as well as my documentary. I plan on doing this after I have completed every other aspect of the project.

Both the CDC and pharmaceutical companies have a damning paper trail, which combined with other parts of my project could end the vaccine lie once and for all, but I cannot do it alone.

Lastly, I need to explain that this project is being shot on mobile phones and consumer grade video equipment. Shooting the documentary in this fashion makes it possible to reach more people worldwide to tell their stories, and I can easily use my blog for updates on a regular basis.

If you, or anyone you know, is interested in assisting me with this documentary in any way feel free to message me privately via

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NATURALIMMUNITY

Twitter: @forcedanarchy

Or email me directly at: forcedanarchy@gmail.com


Chickenpox is one of several minor childhood illness nearly every child experiences in their early years, or at least they used to. Mild fever, a few days of itchy spots, and that was it. What remained was a strengthened immune system and possibly a few minor scars. Since the introduction of a vaccine, chickenpox has become a thing of the past…… or has it? What consequences are there for changing the natural course of a benign childhood disease?

The chickenpox vaccine was introduced in the United States in the mid 90’s, and was soon thereafter added to the CDC vaccine schedule. Initially, it was recommended anyone under age 13 receive one dose of the vaccine while anyone over 13 receive two doses, claiming two doses would incur lifetime immunity. Following its implementation, children under 13 continued to contract chicken pox, so in 2006 the CDC recommended that younger children also receive 2 doses of the vaccine. The CDC also claims the vaccine makes this mild disease somehow less dangerous, but this isn’t always the case. So, how safe is this vaccine really?


There are two live virus vaccines for chickenpox licensed in the U.S.: Varivax and ProQuad (MMRV), both manufactured by Merck.

  • The CDC recommends children receive a chickenpox vaccination at 12 months and a booster dose between 4 and 6 years of age;

  • Reported complications from the chickenpox vaccine include: shock, seizures, brain inflammation (encephalitis), thrombocytopenia (blood disorder), Guillain-Barre Syndrome, death, and infection with vaccine-strain chickenpox including possible transmission of vaccine-strain chickenpox to others;

  • Chickenpox vaccine effectiveness is reported to be 44 percent for any form of the disease and 86 percent for moderate to severe disease;

  • Mass use of the chickenpox vaccine in the U.S. has removed the opportunity for the natural boosting of immunity in the population by re-exposure, which provides protection from shingles occurrences. Due to this, adults as well as vaccinated children are now experiencing shingles outbreaks;

  • In 2006, the CDC recommended an additional dose of the chickenpox vaccine for all children under age 13, and a shingles vaccine was licensed and recommended for all adults over age 60 in an attempt to combat the rising occurrence of shingles outbreaks.

  • As of September 1, 2015, there had been 122 claims filed in the federal Vaccine Injury Compensation Program (VICP) for injuries and deaths following chickenpox or varicella vaccination, including 8 deaths and 114 serious injuries.

  • Using the MedAlerts search engine, as of September 30, 2015 there have been 3,358 serious adverse reactions reported to the Vaccine Adverse Events Reporting System (VAERS) in connection with chickenpox varicella-containing vaccines since 1990. Over half of all reported serious chickenpox vaccine-related adverse events occurred in children six years old and under. Of those, 161 were deaths, with over 60% of the deaths occurring in children under six years of age.



Chickenpox cannot thoroughly be discussed without also mentioning shingles: the reactivation of the varicella virus due to stress or a compromised immune system. The chickenpox vaccine is not used in the UK and many other countries around the world because it is known that re-exposure to the chickenpox virus is required to prevent waning immunity in older individuals, i.e. shingles outbreaks. “If there is less chickenpox in children then there will be no boosting of immunity by exposure to chickenpox for middle and older aged people and thus there will be more shingles, at least until all the elderly have been vaccinated as children but this assumes that immunity conferred by vaccination is lifelong.”


Studies have shown that the chickenpox vaccine does increase the risk of shingles, but even that fact is being distorted: “Vaccinating one-year-olds against chickenpox could temporarily nearly double the incidence of shingles in the wider population, but in younger adults than previously thought.”


It should be mentioned that MERCK is maker of both the vaccine for shingles and chickenpox.


Many parents still opt for natural infection. This is due to vaccine failure as well as the unknown duration of effectiveness this vaccine may offer. I will be keeping this blog post updated with stories, videos, and pictures of real people from around the world who have experienced chickenpox. I personally did not have chickenpox as a child, and am therefore also attempting to gain exposure as part of my documentary entitled “SPOTTING THE TRUTH!”



Here is what the chickenpox were like for a family from the Midwestern United States that opted for natural immunity, as you can see everything is fine, just an award winning case of the chickenpox.


The next chickenpox experience comes from New Zealand, this family was kind enough to give full details of their chickenpox experience. This family seems to be dealing with the spots just fine.

I will be doing similar blog posts for other childhood diseases, including mumps, measles, and rubella. I recently did a blog post regarding mumps, which can be seen here:


If you, or someone you know, currently has a childhood disease and is open to considering my exposure, please contact me. If anyone has had a childhood disease and is open to sharing their personal experiences, please consider giving an interview. Any/all identifying information will be kept strictly confidential at your request. Whether you support natural immunity, have personal experience with vaccine injury, or just want to help with my project, please feel free to contact me:

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/NATURALIMMUNITY

Twitter @forcedanarchy

Or privately at forcedanarchy@gmail.com


Mumps, such a silly word for a mild but painful illness that last a few days and then you are immune for life. For those who are new to my blog, I am a film maker working on a documentary titled “SPOTTING THE TRUTH!” which deals with natural immunity and vaccine injury. As the title of my blog post implies I am trying to catch the mumps!!!! I can almost hear the gasp, laughs, and insults flowing through my computer BUT if you give me a few I will explain….

Most people in America do not realise that a good portion of the world simply does not see the need to vaccinate for the mumps, and here in the United States there are outbreaks on college and university campuses each spring for the last four or five years, this mirrors a trend that has been happening in the UK over the last several years.


Anyone who is on twitter or facebook can see the angry post where people are blaming the non vaccinated but it seems they are ignoring the news reports that saying a large number of the people who are catching it are vaccinated.


There is another reason behind the sharp rise in mumps cases. Merck maker of the MMR (Mumps, Measles, Rubella) vaccine has been accused of lying about the effectiveness of the vaccine and is currently in the middle of a lawsuit. I am still asking myself why this is not being told to every person who is considering the vaccine.


As a person who supports the concept of natural immunity, I am a firm believer that it is best simply to get the mumps over and done with and enjoy knowing that once you have had it you will not get it again. One of the arguments used to promote the mumps vaccine is the concern over sterility for males after having the mumps. This is more or less an old wives tale. Mumps was considered a trivial illness before the push for the vaccine to be mandated.

“If total sterility as a consequence of orchitis were a significant threat, and if the mumps immunizations assured adult males that they would not contract it, I would be among those doctors who urge immunization. I’m not, because their argument makes no sense. Orchitis rarely causes sterility, and when it does, because only one testicle is usually affected, the sperm production capacity of the unaffected testicle could repopulate the world! And that’s not all. No one knows whether the mumps vaccination confers an immunity that lasts into the adult years. Consequently, there is an open question whether, when your child is immunized against mumps at fifteen months arid escapes this disease in childhood, he may suffer more serious consequences when he contracts it as an adult.”


There is another reason not to fear the mumps and for people to actually want to catch it. MUMPS MIGHT PREVENT SOME FORMS OF CANCER!

“Epidemiologic studies found childhood mumps might protect against ovarian cancer. To explain this association, we investigated whether mumps might engender immunity to ovarian cancer through antibodies against the cancer-associated antigen MUC1 abnormally expressed in the inflamed parotid gland.”


Knowing all of this I have to ask why a person would want to be vaccinated for the mumps, I mean sure it is not fun but neither is the common cold and we accept that as something you have to deal with.

One thing they are not totally honest about with the mumps vaccine here in the United States is that it can give you the mumps, or at least a mild form of it. The MMR is a live virus vaccine so one has to question if this version of the mumps is contagious. For me this is the deal breaker, if I am going to get sick I want something that is going offer me lasting immunity and that can only come from natural infection.

“About three to four weeks after having the MMR injection, one in 50 children develop a mild form of mumps. This includes swelling of the glands in the cheek, neck or under the jaw, and lasts for a day or two.”



As previously stated the mumps are a mild infection that most people handle rather well and when recovered have a lifetime of natural immunity. I thought it would be a good idea to hear from people who actually have the mumps.

The first mumps experience comes from a university student named Kyle who lives in the mid west United States. I have to say he was a real sport about this given the fact I am a pushy film maker / blogger.  His experience along with pictures and video are below.

“I am currently on day 6 of having the mumps. I have been vaccinated twice for the mumps and obviously they did not work. Last Thursday I woke up with what I thought was a sore throat until I saw my self in the mirror and noticed my neck was a bit swollen. I knew this could have been the mumps because a good friend of mine had the mumps at the time. So I went to the doctor and they confirmed I had the mumps. The doctor sent me home and told me to stay in my room for 5 days or until the swelling went down. Each day the swelling got worse until day 4 and since then it has gone slightly down each day. When the swelling was at its worst it was painful to eat it was like a burning feeling in the left side of my mouth, but soon enough I was to hungry not to care. I lost my voice on the third day because of the swelling. I also had some muscle aches in my back and shoulders. Another symptom I have is fatigue, I’ve been sleeping 12 plus hours every night which is way above normal for me.”–Kyle

Here is a video of Kyle’s mumps he is on day 6 and his face is swollen but he is in good spirits, I am fairly certain that unless this is the zombie virus he is going to be just fine!

So there you have it folks, this is what it is like to have the mumps, I will be keeping this blog post updated as more people tell me of their experiences. I will be doing similar blog post for the other childhood diseases, this will serve as a public archive and as a reminder to me to get my documentary done!

Now back to me wanting the mumps, I am actually trying to catch the mumps along with the other childhood diseases, I even missed out on chickenpox as a kid!

Check out the following link to learn more about my documentary “SPOTTING THE TRUTH!”  https://nvnin.wordpress.com/2016/03/01/what-i-need-to-finish-my-non-vax-natural-immunity-documentary/

I will be doing similar blog posts for other childhood diseases, including chickenpox, measles, and rubella.

If you, or someone you know, currently has a childhood disease and is open to considering my exposure, please contact me. If anyone has had a childhood disease and is open to sharing their personal experiences, please consider giving an interview. Any/all identifying information will be kept strictly confidential at your request. Whether you support natural immunity, have personal experience with vaccine injury, or just want to help with my project, please feel free to contact me:

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/NATURALIMMUNITY

Twitter @forcedanarchy

Or privately at forcedanarchy@gmail.com


THIS is what I need to finish the documentary that I am doing titled “SPOTTING THE TRUTH!” This is a near impossible project but if people step up and help me I can do this! I need to connect with people who are non vaxers seeking natural immunity to the various childhood diseases for their families.

I need interviews before, during, and after families have had the childhood diseases. I need video interviews with parents about the experience of the various childhood diseases (chickenpox, mumps, measles, rubella) and interviews with older kids, teens, college students who might contract one of the childhood illnesses. I need interviews on video while they have chickenpox or one of the childhood diseases, or even better interviews after they have been exposed, and then during the illness, as well as after they are better–sort of like a video diary.

I am also seeking exposure to all of the childhood diseases for myself not only because I have never had any childhood disease (not even chickenpox) but because I would never ask anyone to do something that I am not willing to do myself. I plan on keeping a video diary of the experience and use that as part of the documentary as well as making daily blog post.

I also need to talk to many of the countless people who have been vaccine injured. Vaccine injuries are far to common and in my opinion happen 100% of the time when you vaccinate.

These interviews are crucial to the project!!!! I need families to come forward and tell their stories, I want to make sure they have a voice!!!!

After this I will try to talk to medical experts who are against vaccines and get their take on this. I am not even sure if anyone will speak with me. I plan on doing this after I  have completed every other aspect of the project.

I will use the CDC and Pharma’s own information against them. I will also be using the propaganda of the media and pro vaxers against them. IF PEOPLE HELP ME I CAN DO THIS!!!!

For those wondering WHY the documentary I am doing is not just focusing on vaccine injury and is spotlighting natural immunity it is because proving and showing on film that they are lying about the severity of the childhood diseases will shut down one of the biggest arguments the pro vaxers use to justify poisoning humanity. This is why I am seeking out the childhood diseases for myself, and it is why I need to find non vaxing families who are willing to be interviewed before, during, and after the childhood diseases. With that being said talking with the families of the vaccine injured is just as important and will play a huge role in this film.

Lastly, I need to explain that this project is being shot on cell phones and consumer grade video cameras, YES!!!! THIS CAN BE DONE!!!! Award winning films have been shot on the iphone. Shooting the film on cell phones and consumer grade video cameras ensures that  I can reach many people and their stories will be told! It also means I can use my blog to update people on a regular basis. It means I can get interviews from around the world. It will be a win for anyone interested in the truth!

If you are interested in my project, or want to help feel free to message me privately on facebook https://www.facebook.com/NATURALIMMUNITY  twitter https://twitter.com/forcedanarchy or email me forcedanarchy@gmail.com

One of the sickest examples of vaccine industry corruption – Wyeth internal memo.


The Refurbished Rogue's Blog

*see bottom for all links.
“In 1978-79, eleven babies (all in Tennessee) were found to have died within eight days of a DPT vaccination. Nine of the eleven had been vaccinated with the same lot of pertussis vaccine, Wyeth #64201 and five (four from the same lot) had died within twenty-four hours of vaccination.”
*Now will you please take another look at the memo..
“read closely — a series of SIDS deaths in Tennessee is …prompting Wyeth officials to make sure that vials from a single lot don’t get distributed to a single state, county or health department.”
*SICK. Spread the death out so no one will know.
  “The statistical evidence in favor of a connection between the deaths and the DPT shot was strong. Would the medical authorities bite the bullet and admit the vaccine was related to the deaths? Absolutely not.
 It’s a long and unpleasant tale…

View original post 282 more words




A few weeks ago, I was afraid to leave my home. When I did, I carried hand sanitizer in my pocket. Scared of touching anything, I felt like Leonardo DiCaprio playing the obsessive-compulsive Howard Hughes in The Aviator, brutally scrubbing my hands free of germs.

As an unvaccinated adult living through a measles outbreak, I was terrified. Growing up, I never received the measles, mumps, and rubella vaccine. I can’t recall receiving any of the other recommended shots, including a tetanus shot.

I was a child of the so-called anti-vaccination movement, born in the San Francisco Bay Area, a place that’s now being scrutinized for its relatively high percentage of children who are not vaccinated.

Some 300 child care centers in the Bay Area have a measles vaccination rate of 92 percent or less, falling below the ideal rate for containing an outbreak, or as experts call it, maintaining herd immunity.

Attending school in the 1980s, I submitted paperwork opting out of immunization for religious reasons.

If you asked me back then why I wasn’t vaccinated, I doubt I could have provided more of an answer than that: for religious reasons.

My parents belonged to a loosely organized New Age movement that encouraged living a natural life; the guiding vision was of a return to Eden. Anything modern, especially in terms of medicine, was not exactly encouraged. Growing up in this world of contradictions and restrictions felt a lot like being a kid on Peanuts where all the adults talked in wah-wah static.

But what was I to do as a child—literally looking up to the nonconformist adults around me?

I assumed what I heard the adults say was right, and I feared whatever they shunned.

Vaccines are filled with bad things, like monkey pus.

Your body is a temple, and nothing unnatural should enter it.

If you eat right, you won’t get sick.

It’s a conspiracy, and the vaccines will just make you sicker.

These are all theories I recall hearing from my childhood, not necessarily from my parents, but from those around us. My mother’s choice not to vaccinate me was entirely accepted, and even encouraged, within our social circles. Many of my friends were home-schooled, and their parents didn’t vaccinate them, either. (I was also home-schooled for two years.) The spiritual leaders my parents followed, as well as the many naturopathic doctors we befriended, discouraged immunization. And while my mother to this day can’t exactly remember the details, rumors of vaccinations linked to autism and other calamities were widely circulated as fact. In my pristine corner of the world, Western medicine was a derogatory term, a practice used only as a last resort.

Back then, just the idea of an injection of monkey pus kept me up at night.

No one ever alerted my mom to the possibility that, vaccine-free, I could make others ill.

My parents did entertain some aspects of Western medicine. I had a pediatrician whom I saw regularly. Even so, my mom’s first response to an earache was a drop of tea tree oil on a cotton puff, then homeopathy, followed up by the acupuncturist. In my house, apple cider vinegar and brown rice cured just about anything.

Both of my parents had received shots at certain points in their lives. In fact, one of my fears about vaccinations stemmed from a relic on my father’s arm, a smallpox vaccine scar. At that time, we thought by keeping me unvaccinated, we were actually making me stronger.

Those “conscientious objections,” as my mother later described them, returned for their reckoning this winter.

The person who told me it was time for my shot was my mother. She texted: “Honey, I think you should get a measles shot. Ask your Doctor??”

My mother—who three decades earlier had sent me off to school with paperwork requesting a religious waiver from vaccines—was now telling me to join the herd.

I didn’t reply right away. Instead, I showed the text to my boyfriend. “Well, I guess I should get vaccinated,” I said.

He just looked at me. “What? You aren’t vaccinated?” he asked.

The following day, while I was on a train departing Penn Station, without missing a beat of that maternal sixth sense, my mom texted me again: “Padmananda, they have found an outbreak of measles at Penn Station. Go get Vaccinated.”

Here’s the thing: When my mom uses my full first name, it’s serious. I was on a train and had just left a station where someone infected had passed through. I freaked out.

Should I be wearing a mask right now? What train was the person with measles on? Should I just cover my head and stop breathing?

That’s when I realized I hardly knew anything about vaccines, nor did I have a very good reason as to why I never got them. All of it was totally inexplicable, a faint memory made up of a chorus of voices telling me to fear something I didn’t even understand.

Once I got off the train and returned home, I vigorously washed my hands and then went off to Google-search answers. Among other things, I learned that hand-washing and applying globs of hand sanitizer did not protect me against an airborne disease.

By the following afternoon, my boyfriend had sent me two texts, one with a link to CVS clinic locations followed by another: “Not to alarm you but you should go as soon as you are able,” with a link to a news story that quoted Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, referring to “certain communities in California” where “herd immunity doesn’t work very well.”

My home state was now in the center of this latest debate over vaccines, starring as the villain. Back then, vaccinations seemed like a personal choice. I never thought of how my parents’ decision might have an effect on the rest of society. I had certainly never heard of herd immunity. So with this new perspective and an order from my own mother, I turned myself in.

Walking the few blocks from my work to the clinic, I was still nervous and even felt ridiculous. An adult about to get a shot I should have received years ago. What if it hurt? What if the doctor glared at me like I really had been on the run, finally coming forward to declare: Yes, I’m one of those kids raised by parents who lived in that small pocket of the world where hippies really do exist. I’m ready to surrender.

I signed in at the clinic.

“I’m here to get the measles vaccine,” I said, waiting for a look of shock from the nurse.

None came. Instead, she pulled out a small box. It was the MMR vaccine. “We’ve been going through these like water,” she said. “We have one left.”

And with a single prick, I was leaving my Bay Area bubble behind for good.

That night, I called my mom to let her know it was done. I was immunized. I asked her why she had opted out for me before.

I was on a health thing. No one got them for their children then. It was very open in California back then. I believed it was harmful.

While plenty of people back in the 1980s suggested to us that I could get sick from a vaccine, no one ever alerted my mom to the possibility that, vaccine-free, I could make others ill.

What happened to change your mind? I asked.

She told me she had been watching a medical report on ABC News that explained that the claims linking vaccines to autism were untrue. My mother had become open to the possibility that fears about the vaccine were unfounded. She was willing to listen to the other side of the debate.

We had both left behind the culture that told us vaccines were bad. Between my years on the East Coast and my mother’s move back to her home state of New Mexico, we had picked up a new normal, along with new experts, even ones whose names ended with “M.D.”

The evening after getting my shot, I felt relieved.

I would no longer have to wash my hands or hold my breath in fear. And I certainly wouldn’t be afraid of monkey pus anymore.


I was frightened of vaccines back when I was pregnant with my daughter 12 years ago.

I lived in the San Francisco bay area at the time, and if you’ve ever lived in the Bay Area, you know there are ways of thinking there that aren’t questioned like they would be elsewhere — especially those related to motherhood and children. The home-birth collective I was part of held an “immunization panel,” inviting parents to ask questions of practitioners on both sides of the debate. When I look back on it, I’m not sure how much range of perspective the panel included. But I really thought I had done my homework on vaccination. I read everything I could get my hands on, talked about it with our midwives, discussed it with fellow pregnant friends. And I came to believe that my daughter’s immune system should have a chance to build up on its own, without being bombarded with viruses and chemicals.

Before she was born, I spoke with her pediatrician about a delayed and partial vaccine schedule. And that is what we followed. For her first year of life, my daughter wasn’t vaccinated. I breast-fed her to help strengthen her immunity. I kept her out of day care so she wouldn’t be exposed to all of those germs. I steered her away from anyone coughing at the grocery store. I believed that I could keep her safe.

And when she turned 1, a magical number I’d decided was when her immune system would be strong enough, I took her to get her first shot. On her immunization record, it says that shot was for Hib, which prevents meningitis and pneumonia, among other diseases. A month later she got her first polio shot, and five months after that she got her first dose of DTaP, except I asked for the version that did not contain the P for pertussis. My understanding was that she was past the point when whooping cough could shut down her airways; I was more terrified of what I’d heard was in that part of the vaccine and how it could permanently damage her body. I can’t remember anymore what scared me so.

My attitude toward vaccines began to shift when I got sick with shingles and my then-3-year-old daughter kept wanting to touch the fiery blisters on my arm, chest and back. She could get chickenpox from those blisters, and I couldn’t imagine caring for a sick child while I myself was so miserable. So I took a cab across Jerusalem, where we were living, picked up a dose of chickenpox vaccine and took my daughter to an American doctor to administer it. He warned that it would take two weeks to build up her immunity and that she would need a second dose at some point for the vaccine to be even more effective. I felt some disappointment that I wasn’t holding out for her to get chickenpox naturally, but I was also relieved.

We left our life abroad abruptly and unexpectedly three months later, when we learned that our second daughter, who had been growing inside me for 21 weeks, had a life-threatening congenital defect. Our baby girl was born back in the Bay Area and was immediately hooked up to machines that helped her breathe and tubes that administered medicine and fed her my breast milk. Hoping for her survival, I approached the doctors with questions about vaccines. I was concerned about protecting my fragile daughter from viruses such as pneumonia that could kill her, but I also worried about harming her with more medicine than she could handle. The doctors explained that her well-being would need to be assessed day by day, sometimes hour by hour, and that it would be clear when she was ready to be vaccinated. Ultimately, none of it mattered. After 58 days in the NICU, I held my daughter as she took her last breaths and her spirit let go of her body.

After our baby died, we moved to the Midwest, and our new pediatrician was a heavy pusher of vaccination. “You can go blind from measles,” she explained. At first it irritated me, and I clung to my beliefs about not wanting to bombard my healthy 5-year-old with preservative-packed shots, many targeting diseases that didn’t even exist anymore, at least not in the United States.

But I realized I could no longer explain to the pediatrician or to other moms why vaccines were so dangerous. My fear of immunizations was dissolving, and I no longer felt the way I had when my first daughter was born.

When we made our decisions about vaccines the first time, it was all abstract. My child couldn’t die from measles, I told myself. My mom had had measles, and she was just fine. I hadn’t yet spent those weeks in the NICU, praying over my child that the fluid in her lungs wouldn’t become full-blown pneumonia. I hadn’t seen all of the other sick babies around her. I hadn’t heard from other bereaved parents about all the ways babies can die.

After all that, I could no longer take my child’s health — or my ability to protect it — for granted. And so I gradually let myself trust our new pediatrician and the vaccines she encouraged. My only holdout was the flu shot. I still believed that for my healthy daughter, and for our healthy family, the flu wasn’t a danger. We all took our vitamin D and fish oil, and ate well and washed our hands. The viruses our daughter got about once a year, whether the flu or something else, meant a lot of movies while she lay on the couch drinking Gatorade and sucking on popsicles; those viruses would strengthen her body to protect her from worse things.

It wasn’t until I read Eula Biss’s January 2013 essay on vaccinations in Harper’s magazine that I understood, for the first time, how herd immunity works. “Any given vaccine can fail to produce immunity in an individual, and some vaccines, like the influenza vaccine, often fail to produce immunity,” Biss wrote. “But when enough people are given even a relatively ineffective vaccine, viruses have trouble moving from host to host and cease to spread, sparing both the unvaccinated and those in whom vaccination has not produced immunity.”

I was reminded of a voice — my own voice from years before, when my first daughter was a baby — saying, “She’s safe even without her shots because everyone around her is vaccinated.” I actually said that, several times, to several people. Friends said the same thing to me about their unvaccinated children. We had that luxury — we could count on herd immunity to protect our children.

I can’t say exactly why the idea of protecting others hadn’t hit me before — I have always considered myself a sensitive and empathetic person. But I hadn’t thought about old people, those who could die even from the flu. I hadn’t thought about pregnant women and their babies. I hadn’t thought about children like my second daughter, who are too sick to be vaccinated but who need more than anyone to be protected from illness.

My son came to us through adoption, and there is so much we don’t know about his biological family’s health history. He is almost 2 years old, and he has had almost all of his shots according to schedule. The only one I requested delaying, because he was born early and weighed less than four pounds, is Hep B, but he had that shot within his first year.

My daughter is all caught up on her shots, too — after many doctors’ visits and trips for frozen yogurt afterward. At her annual physical this past week, she got some of her boosters and one vaccine that didn’t exist when I was her age: HPV. A vaccine that can help prevent the only known cause of cervical cancer? To me, that one is a no-brainer.

And this year we all got flu shots, including my strong-as-an-ox husband, because his work takes him to hospitals, nursing homes and other places where people are vulnerable.

I am not naive about this. I still read medical journal articles and philosophical pieces about vaccination, and I ask a lot of questions.

But I have accepted that I can’t protect my family from everything that is out there (and everything that is already a part of us). All I can do is my best to nurture our perfectly imperfect bodies.


Illinois: SB1410


Amends the School Code. Requires the State Board of Education to publish on its Internet website the exemption from immunization data it receives from schools. Provide that parents or legal guardians who object to health, dental, or eye examinations or immunizations on religious grounds must present to the appropriate local school authority a Department of Public Health objection form, detailing the grounds for the objection and signed by the parent or legal guardian, as well as a religious official attesting to a bona fide religious objection whose signature must be notarized (instead of presenting a signed statement of objection detailing the grounds for the objection). Requires the Department of Public Health to develop and publish a uniform objection form for this particular use. Provides that if the physical condition of a child is such that any one or more of the immunizing agents should not be administered, the child’s parent or legal guardian must present to the appropriate local school authority a statement signed by the child’s regular examining physician, advanced practice nurse, or physician assistant attesting to that fact. Effective immediately




This bill is from Dr Richard Pan and Sen. Ben Allen it ends religious and philosophical exemptions. According to Pan: “It is our duty and responsibility to protect all children who attend schools in California,” said Dr. Richard Pan, a State Senator representing Sacramento who has been working legislatively to get vaccination rates up while in the State Assembly. “SB 277 was introduced because parents are speaking up and letting us know that current laws are not enough to protect their children. As a pediatrician I have personally witnessed the suffering caused by diseases that are preventable, and I am very grateful to all those parents who are speaking up as a result of the recent measles outbreak.”




House Bill 2009 (HB2009) introduced by Rep. June Robinson, a Democrat from Everett and member of the House Health Care and Wellness Committee, House Bill 2009 (HB2009) would remove philosophical exemptions leaving only medical and religious exemptions in place.